


Hero Worship

by dracoqueen22



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-15
Updated: 2012-07-15
Packaged: 2017-11-10 00:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/460279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracoqueen22/pseuds/dracoqueen22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Byakuya thinks that this is good enough for a man like him. He really can't expect anything more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero Worship

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written in 2008 so keep that in mind in case it clashes, somehow, with present continuities which I have no idea what they are because I gave up on Bleach not long after the Butterflaizen incident. :)

Byakuya knows full well that Renji worships him, that everything Renji strives to become is what Byakuya already is and has. He would have to be blind not to notice. What sort of captain would he be if he could not realize something such as this about his subordinates?  
  
He knows it very well, in fact. It is why he enjoys this so much, why he can find himself here in this place. In a darkness broken only by a pale light from the outside and surrounded by the humid night air of midsummer.   
  
Renji's mouth on him, on his knees before his captain, his tongue swirling around hardened flesh. It all sends bursts of pleasure down Byakuya's spine. It makes his breath catch in his throat at the sensation, but he manages to keep his stoicism.   
  
Byakuya's hands never remain long at his sides. He lifts them to tangle in Renji's hair, unbound at his captain's request. He encourages Renji with murmured and carefully placed words, subtle phrasings that only inspire his lieutenant's ardor.   
  
The mouth on his arousal is intoxicating and fulfilling. Yet, Byakuya can't keep his mind from wandering. He thinks that with all the mistakes he has made lately, it is wonderful to have someone who still believes he is the top of the world. Even losing to the Kurosaki boy has not dimmed that sense of worship from Renji's eyes. He remains the pinnacle that his vice-captain strives for.   
  
Byakuya capitalizes on that, encouraging it to his advantage. He just can't help himself.   
  
There is a wrong part of him that needs and desires the look in Renji's eyes. The one that says just how strong he thinks his captain is, how infallible and unbreakable. The stubborn glint that never disappears, no matter the circumstance.   
  
It makes him feel warm and wanted, less abandoned and empty. It makes him feel like he finally has something that's his and his alone, something to fill the ache and the emptiness.   
  
Renji's mouth works at him with skill, using all the tricks his captain enjoys. He's mastered them in the past weeks, tongue applying the right pressure, just the hint of teeth. His hands are on Byakuya's hips, fingers splayed and pressing against his skin. He is making these noises in his throat, guttural and masculine, purely subservient.   
  
Byakuya's fingers trail through red strands, like silk against his skin and remarks that Renji's hair is much like his owner. Bright and loud, impossible to ignore and almost impossible to resist. It looks so much better down than up in that ridiculous tail, but even Byakuya recognizes the difficulty of fighting with one's long hair free.   
  
He thrusts shallowly into the warmth of Renji's mouth, wanting to prolong his release, wanting to cling to every bit of touch between them. He finds it is something he craves, the touching and the feeling. Something that he has somehow missed experiencing throughout his life. It is both baffling and troubling, but they are worrisome feelings that he shoves to the pit of his mind.  
  
Byakuya knows that he is everything Renji aspires to. He is the one who took Rukia from Renji; he is the captain who will always be stronger than Renji. He thinks that he is probably the worst kind of person for taking advantage of that. But he can't ignore the pleasure it brings, the way his mask melts just a little, even if it is where no one can see it.   
  
That craving for touch, that reminder that he is still alive. And he is still human. And not even her loss can take that from him. That maybe there is something lovable within Byakuya, even if everyone keeps leaving him.   
  
He thinks that maybe if he can keep Renji like this, on his knees, always wanting and always striving, that Renji won't ever leave.   
  
His vice-captain is loud and arrogant; he thinks little of his recklessness. He can be stupid at times and unfailingly stubborn. But he is also loyal and direct, one of the most honest people Byakuya has ever seen. He wears his faults and his insecurities on his sleeves where everyone can see them.   
  
And though he loses and he fails and he makes mistakes, he somehow manages to get back to his feet, time and time again. Standing proud and arrogant, even with blood dripping from his body and his life one step from the edge. Even when faced with a decision that could destroy everything he has worked hard to obtain, be it for friend or family, Renji will always follow what he thinks is right.   
  
There's something Byakuya admires in that, something he wants for himself. This dog from Rukongai, this stray with no ties to nobility, to nothing at all but the those he makes for himself. It's something that the Kuchiki heir might even envy. Just a little.   
  
Byakuya knows that he is not entirely alone, that he still has Rukia, his sister. He realizes that they are slowly building something that might be called a relationship. That he may even be beginning to understand her just a little and she, him. But there is still a distance, a space between them where his actions lie and her sense of propriety lingers. He knows she still fears him a little, both for who he is and what she was.   
  
He does have Rukia, and she is there, but the space is all the wider between them because it hasn't been crossed. And he is her brother and the one who adopted her, but he knows there will be others she would run to first if in need. A part of him thinks that she doesn't need him at all, which leaves him feeling that loneliness inside of him. And there is a hole that no manner of closeness with Rukia can fill.   
  
Renji can, even if only for a short while. It is that which Byakuya craves.   
  
And so he thinks, yes, this is probably wrong. Yes, he's likely ruining something that might have been better if he had just waited. But he can't stop the ball once it's already rolling. He can't stop himself now when he has nothing else.   
  
He has to keep Renji enamored; he has to remind the man that there's still something to strive for from his captain. He has to keep Renji wanting and hoping, reaching for something. He has to dwell in that hero worship, bask in it, take it for his own and benefit from it.   
  
It's the only way he can feel alive, feel truly wanted. It's the only way he's no longer alone, locked up in the rules of the Kuchiki family and clinging to his roles because they are all he has anymore.   
  
So he clutches Renji's hair tighter, pulling lightly on Renji's scalp.   
  
There is a grunt, but Renji doesn't protest, merely presses forward, taking his captain deeper until Byakuya's member hits the back of his throat. He's had enough practice; he's gotten rather good at this. He swallows around his captain’s shaft, tongue tracing veins and mouth warm and wet.   
  
Byakuya pants softly, low murmurs dropping from his lips in subtle praise, knowing that Renji's ears will hear each and every one of them. Knowing that he will try for more, waiting for that moment to be acknowledged.   
  
One of his vice-captain's hands drops from Byakuya's hips, fumbling at the ties to his obi and diving into his hakama. He hears the low slide of flesh on flesh and knows that Renji is pleasuring himself. It is the most he ever gets from these encounters. And yet, he still comes back for more, still accepts it.   
  
Byakuya opens his eyes, looks down at the man kneeling in front of him. The hair tangled in his own fingers, Renji's lips reddened and moist where they are wrapped around Byakuya's arousal. He watches himself disappear in and out of that mouth, which is known to spew all sorts of obscenities and idiocies. He stares at the dark, exotic lines on his vice-captain's forehead and neck. He feels something coil in his belly, a strange mix of hungry fire and clenching ice.   
  
And then, he shutters his eyes again, concentrating instead of the sensations and the cresting waves of pleasure. His hips flex forward in a faster rhythm, rocking in and out of his vice-captain's mouth. Renji's lips tighten around him as he swallows him deeper and deeper each time, drops of fluid slithering down his lieutenant’s throat. The fingers of the remaining hand tighten on Byakuya's hip, felt even through the fabric of his haori.   
  
Renji's moans echo in his throat, and Byakuya's soft pants are the only sounds in the room. Byakuya feels the pleasure crashing and colliding inside of him, setting his veins to quivering and blood rushing through him. He knows that his release is impending, and he pushes himself deep inside of Renji's mouth. As if realizing as well, Renji swallows, and Byakuya can feel the throat flexing around his length.   
  
It is enough to send him crashing, a low groan sliding through his lips before he can stop it. He spills into his vice-captain. Byakuya pulls back only slightly, giving Renji room to breathe as Renji swallows down every last, bitter drop.   
  
It is a behavior that Byakuya has noticed. Every time, Renji swallows, never once thinking to turn his head and spit. As if by thinking he could capture some of Byakuya's power in his release.  
  
Byakuya pants under his breath, forcing his fingers to untangle from Renji's hair as every last trace of his release is lapped up. He withdraws from Renji's mouth, body thrumming. He watches as Renji's head bows, hand still working furiously on his own arousal. His hair falls in a curtain around his head, shielding his face from Byakuya's sight.   
  
Byakuya lets his eyes roam over his vice-captain's body in motion even as he tucks himself away with efficiency. He watches as Renji releases with a wet splatter all over his hand and the floor.   
  
A low groan spills from Renji's mouth, the hint of a name on his lips before it is abruptly restrained and hidden. Byakuya again finds himself relieved that he can never catch whose name his vice-captain calls. There is always the fear that it might not be his own.   
  
He gives Renji a moment before setting one hand on Renji's hair and causing his vice-captain to look up at him. No words are spoken, but Renji rises to his feet nonetheless. Byakuya's hand curls around his subordinate's neck and pulls him forward. The space between them closes in a manner of seconds, and Byakuya is pressing their lips together. His tongue teases along the seam of Renji's before he pushes inside, coaxing Renji's to join with his.   
  
He doesn't know why he does it, but every time he must end the encounter like this. Tasting himself in his vice-captain's mouth, tasting his release on Renji's tongue. And Renji stands there, returning the kiss, accepting the domination but also, if subtly, fighting back just a little. It's that bit of stubbornness that always burns in Byakuya's blood.   
  
And then, he ends the kiss. Stares at Renji's lips for another moment. His fingers curl against the back of Renji's neck, and then, Byakuya is gone in a swirl of scarf and a toss of dark hair.   
  
He never looks back. He doesn't dare look for the expression on Renji's face. Allow himself to see the emotions that Renji must have in his eyes and on his sleeve.   
  
He leaves his vice-captain in the darkness of Renji's quarters, the faintest scent of cherry blossoms in his wake.   
  
Tomorrow, everything will be as it has always been. This will not be mentioned until it happens again. And Byakuya will go to sleep this night with the taste of himself and his vice-captain on his tongue. A bit of the loneliness and the emptiness will be eased but somehow seem larger for that relief.   
  
He finds himself apologizing to Hisana, if not within his own mind. Not for what he considers an infidelity, but for the manner in which he goes about it. He would like to think that his wife would have wanted him to find the true happiness. But he also knows that his ability to achieve that on his own might have died with her. So he apologizes for the moving on he can't seem to grant her.   
  
He tells himself that this is the best he can achieve right now. As long as Renji stays, as long as he is there, always striving for Byakuya, than Byakuya can't call himself entirely alone.   
  
And he thinks that this is good enough for a man like him.  
  
He really can't expect anything more.   
  
\-----


End file.
